Hinanap kita..

Oo, hinanap kita..
sa kung saan-saan
sa kalye, sa jeep,
sa skul, sa plaza, 
sa LRT, sa bus, 
sa palengke, sa terminal
sa simbahan, sa mall
sa eroplano, sa tawiran
basta may tao, lahat tinitignan
Nagbabakasakali
Ika'y matatagpuan.

Ilang beses nabigo,
Ilang ulit nagkamali
Ilan na nga ba ang napagkamalan
Sa bandang huli'y hindi pa din.

Saan ka nga ba matatagpuan?
Kailan ka makikita?
Wala bang clue?
Wala man lamang bang paramdam?
Sino ka ba?
Bakit wala ka pa?

Ilang beses ko ba kailangang masaktan?
O kapagdaka'y makasakit sa ilan?
Sa paghahanap na sadyang walang kasiguraduhan
Kailan ba ito matutuldukan?

Mga katanungan ng puso't isipan
Sa bawat araw aking tangan-tangan
Hindi na nga ba matutugunan?
Wala na nga ba talagang kasagutan?

Oo, hinanap kita..
At hanggang ngayon,
Hinahanap pa din kita.
Nakakainip..
Nakapapagod..
Hihinto ako at mananahimik..
Ngunit bukas..

Ako'y lalakad muli, 
Magbabakasakali..
Sa kanto, sa sulok, 
Sa tulay, sa pier,
sa dalampasigan, sa parang
Sa kabilang daan, sa pagtawid
Sa stoplight, sa crossing..
Sa pagliko, sa pag-ikot
Baka ikaw na ang masagi.

A Letter From The Love You Haven’t Met Yet. ~ Emily Bracken

Dear Future Love of My Life:

I know. I should have written before.

Forgive me.

But I got the feeling that you were beginning to think I didn’t exist. But I do. And I wanted to let you know that while I might be as elusive as a unicorn grazing in a field of four leaf clovers, I’m close.

I’m around the corner, down the street, on Facebook, in your office, at our local coffee shop, a complete stranger.

I made eyes at you once on the subway.

I saw you across the room at a party.

I swiped you right on Tinder.

But it’s not our time yet. And I know you’re wondering why.

It’s really not fair that you’ve had to wait this long, or go on blind dates, endure bad sex, settle for meh relationships, feel misunderstood, cry from loneliness, wrap your arms around a pillow as you fall asleep at night.

I’m so sorry, my love. You deserve an explanation.

So here it goes. It’s taken me a long time to even admit this to myself much less to you, so please know that everything I’ve written here is true.

The reasons we haven’t met yet, in no particular order:

1. I haven’t thrown out the list of things I think you should be.

2. I’m with the wrong person right now.

3. I’m not ready to be loved unconditionally.

4. Since my life isn’t together, I think you’ll reject me.

5. I still believe that drama is a show of love.

6. I’ve been intentionally keeping my head too busy to think with my heart.

7. I need to date more to understand what I do and don’t like.

8. I won’t be able to appreciate you until life has kicked my ass.

9. I’m too focused on my own needs.

10. I don’t know how to create the feeling of home that lives in my heart.

Clearly, I’m not my best self yet. Or even myself—I’m still figuring out who that is. I’m pretty sure even if we did meet, you wouldn’t like me all that much right now. It’s entirely possible that we did hit it off once, and I left without getting your information; or maybe I did get your number and never called because of any one of the above reasons.

Be patient with me, darling heart.

Know that I’m working my way toward you. So don’t spend any more time thinking about where I am or am not. Just keep making your life exciting and full, so when we do finally come together, we can bring each other joy, because we are already happy.

I know it’s taking longer than you’d like. It’s a hell of a lot slower than I could have ever imagined.

But I’m here.

This is me talking to you. And I’m not going anywhere.

Don’t give up on me.

Yours,

In perpetuity,

The Love You Haven’t Met Yet

Credits to: http://www.elephantjournal.com/