Dear Mr. Someday,
I need to write you this letter because my heart is so full and you are somewhere out there, maybe thinking of me, too, wondering when the day will come when the cord that already connects us will finally bring us together. Maybe, like me, you have had your share of disappointments in the ways of love. You have had your heart broken. You have had to let go of someone who, at the time, you really wanted to hold onto. You had to learn that love does not mean possession, and the greatest gift the lover can give the beloved is their freedom, even if it means the beloved chooses happiness with someone else. You have felt the pain of letting go, and the emptiness which followed, holding only to the faintest hope that someday you would find the one who is meant for you.
I long for that day, too. I have felt my share of heartache. I know the sting of broken promises, false hopes, and even abandonment. I know what it is to have too many lonely nights, so many that you lose count, and wonder if the love you ache for will ever find its way to you. We all want to love and be loved, and most of us yearn to love and be loved by the one meant only for us, our soulmate, our perfect match. Waiting is difficult. Feeling alone again after having one’s hopes built to a crescendo, only to have them crushed, is a pain that seeps into the deepest parts of the soul, and it’s easy to lose hope for that sweet someday when we will find each other.
I am here. I haven’t met you yet because I am not ready for you yet. I have had loves and losses which have wounded me, and I am still healing. In this healing, I am becoming more certain of who I am, what I want and need, and just as importantly, what I have to offer you when we are finally brought together through the twists and turns of fate. I do not want to hurry to you with my heart still so tender and bruised. I want to be fully healed. I want to have fully let go of who was not meant for me so that when we do meet, my hands are free to embrace you.
I don’t need or want you to fix me, anymore than I need or want to fix you. When we are healed and whole and able to love with fully healed hearts, we will find our way to each other. I really do believe that when two people are meant to be together, there is nothing that will keep them apart, and so it is with us. When the time is right, heaven and earth will move if they have to in order to bring us together.
I want you to know something. I am not going to promise that I will never hurt you, because unintentional hurt happens. I am not going to promise that we’ll never fight, because we’re human and conflict happens. I do promise you that when that conflict arises, I will not walk away. I won’t avoid dealing with it. I will be there to work it out, uncomfortable as it might be, until you and I are back in sync and life is as it should be.
I will not make promises I don’t intend to keep. I expect the same of you. Sweet words and beautiful intentions are lovely, but when all the romance of the moment has given way to the reality of living, sweet words and beautiful intentions mean very little if they are not followed in kind by actions. I will never just tell you I love you. I will show you. I will live and breathe it. Never will a day go by when you will have to wonder what my heart toward you is. I can promise you this: You will be lavished with love and affection. It’s in my nature. You’ll find out soon enough.
I could write you a book about all the things I want to share with you in our life together, but I would rather simply live it, and write about the journey as it happens. It’s sorta my thing. I write. I think. I write more. You’ll see.
I will make you no promise except to love you, and all that comes with that. Love isn’t about romance all the time. Love is messy. Love can be hard. Love is a choice. Love is a conscious decision to stay the course together, through good times and difficult times, staying together because it’s what you choose to do. A lifetime of love doesn’t just happen. It takes work. Falling in love is easy. Staying in love…that’s another story. I want to fall in love with you. I want to stay in love with you. I will do my part every day toward that end.
I believe in fairy tales, my love. I believe we make our own fairy tales come true, and I believe we can create our own happily ever after…conflict, bad days, grumpy mornings, flowers and kisses, love songs, morning breath, bed head, sickness and health, and everything above, beyond, and in between. Happiness is ours for the choosing, and I know that some days, it’s a choice that is made over and over again. I am too old and have lived through too much to believe otherwise, which is somewhat a relief at this point in my life. I know life can be rough. I also know that the rough patches don’t last forever.
I don’t know where you are. I don’t know when we’ll find each other. I only know that this time is one of preparation for both of us. Whatever needs to be worked out in each of us before we are ready for each other, it’s being worked out even now. I entertain no silly notions of perfection. I will make you mad. I will disappoint you. I will bug you. And I fully expect you will do the same to me. We are human. I am not asking for you to be perfect. I am only looking forward to finding that you are perfect for me.
Let’s be silly together. Let’s talk nonsense. Let’s laugh. A lot. Then, let’s hug and kiss a lot. Let’s spend all day in bed sometimes. Let’s fight. Let’s makeup. Let’s get irritated. Let’s laugh about it later. Let’s learn to put up with each other’s preferences for music, movies, and the weird obsession with antique toasters I am almost sure you have. I’ll smile when you do that thing, and you can smile when I do my thing, just because we find it so endearing and adorable. Let’s cry together if we need to. Let’s comfort each other because we want to. Let’s do life together.
All in good time, though. For now, let’s be patient. And let’s refuse to settle for anymore fillers. We both deserve better. We both deserve the gift we will find in each other. Sometimes, the journey to the right person requires a bit of trial and error. I have had my fill of errors. I am letting go of what I think should be, and opening myself up to what is meant to be. Opening my heart so I can let you in, when it’s time.
Please do the same. Don’t give up. I’m here. I have so much love to give you. I have no doubt in my mind you have the same for me. When the time is right, we’ll find each other when we least expect it. Hang in there. We’re already on our way to each other.
Yours,
Stephanie
P.S. I am quite sure the day will come when I will read this and laugh at how wrought with emotion and sappy sentiments it is. When that day comes, I fully expect you to tease me. I like being teased in a loving, playful way, so don’t be shy.
