It's past midnight. I know I should be by the bed at this hour, but I'm still awake, battling my body to join my sheets and my eyes to shut it's senses from the world.
Again, I was thinking of you. As you have known, we're over. The person I thought was you, was actually not. Again, I was blinded, or I must say, I was fooled by my longings to find you. But then, this journey of seeking you was not yet over. And all that was left for me to do, is to start all over again.
I realized, I was pushing myself too much in finding you. And in the process, I'm hurting myself as much as I am hurting the other person. Maybe because I hate "what ifs" and that I don't want to let the time pass thinking over "what might have been." For me, love is a gamble that I always have to take, regardless if I will lose or win. And over and over again, I loss the game, making me feel disillusioned and the other person used.
Maybe, God just wanted me to realize that I am not trusting enough. My mouth speaks of faith, but my heart continues to doubt. Free will dictates what I want to do. But God's will places the right pieces at their right spot. I was saved by the bell because I was saved for you.
Again, I was thinking of you. As you have known, we're over. The person I thought was you, was actually not. Again, I was blinded, or I must say, I was fooled by my longings to find you. But then, this journey of seeking you was not yet over. And all that was left for me to do, is to start all over again.
I realized, I was pushing myself too much in finding you. And in the process, I'm hurting myself as much as I am hurting the other person. Maybe because I hate "what ifs" and that I don't want to let the time pass thinking over "what might have been." For me, love is a gamble that I always have to take, regardless if I will lose or win. And over and over again, I loss the game, making me feel disillusioned and the other person used.
Maybe, God just wanted me to realize that I am not trusting enough. My mouth speaks of faith, but my heart continues to doubt. Free will dictates what I want to do. But God's will places the right pieces at their right spot. I was saved by the bell because I was saved for you.
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